Baseball DIY

Oliver Perez and Kenny Rogers recently became the two most recent pitchers to injure themselves while taking their frustrations out on inanimate objects. Last year, my love of the crazy antics of Julian Tavarez soured a little when he broke his hand punching a dugout phone down the stretch. I'm sure that position players do the same thing, but I think they're probably (I don't have evidence to prove it right now) smart enough to at least use a bat or some other weapon that's not a part of their own anatomy.

Here are some suggestions for ways players could more constructively or effectively channel their anger:

1) After sleeping on it (problems are always smaller in the bright of dawn), write the water cooler a letter explaining why you're upset and what the water cooler can do to improve your mood. Be sure to say that you aren't mad at the water cooler, but rather that you are mad at its actions.
2) Pay the batboy a buck or two to really lay into that laundry cart for you. If he breaks his toe, at least you won't miss your next start.
3) Look for someone talking on a cell phone in the crowd and Artestify. They should know better.
4) Bring a guitar to the dugout with you before every game. You'll know what to do with it.
5) If you're really, really, really ticked off and nothing else will suffice, just go after your manager with a fungo. It's better to look crazy than just plain stupid.